Character and Success

We’ve all heard the saying that good character is when someone does the right thing when nobody is looking. Doing the right thing at all times is a core equity and absent of great character, it’s tough to get ahead and sustain any success. It’s weird to even write about it, because it was an assumed aspiration when I was growing up. Lately, it seems to be optional for some people I’ve met.

Everyone you ever meet will claim to have great character. It almost doesn’t matter who they are. You later hear about their actions with disbelief. We see this sometimes with folks who visit us at E@RTC that we don’t know all that well. Once in a while, someone shows up with a super-sketchy past. We can’t get far enough away.

I encountered this weak character a lot when I worked as a federal court appointed corporate trustee for ten years. When asked about their bad behavior, it’s always the other person that’s the problem. It’s never them. No, they will claim to be, “misunderstood” when people see who they are. It’s why they rarely seek help. Sociopaths think it’s the world that needs changing. It’s never them. I’ll bet they never walk into a psychologist’s office and say, “Hey I think I might be a sociopath, do you think you can help fix this?”

These people with predatory nature find a way to justify their abhorrent behavior at all times. They never stop and take responsibility for the harm they cause others. When called out, they suggest you’re the one spouting “venom” and other nonsensical terms. No, it’s basic accountability.

They often think the outcome, serves the victim of their behavior, right. The end justifies the means, no matter how smarmy, no matter how much harm it causes others. They think the world needs fixing. It’s never them.

I have a psychologist friend who once worked with white collar criminals about to spend time in the big house. She was telling me how these criminals aways saw themselves as the victims of the very crimes they committed. They always found justification, no matter how twisted.

People often ask me how to start a business with nothing. It always starts with good character. But even that is a process. We’re all born narcissistic and we grow out of it with good parenting combined with a sense of empathy if it’s instilled in us. It starts out as little things. Please and thank you, then doing things for others. There is a lot you can do build your character. Be someone who keeps your word is just one thing. Exceed the expectations of everyone. Stand for something. Be honest.

Good character is a huge equity if you have it. Character matters a lot in business, and a lot more than it’s mentioned anywhere, because for you to become successful, that success requires that others place their faith in you. Sure, some will place blind faith, but that’s hardly enough and it’s not the norm. It’s also fleeting.

You should do everything in your power to live up to high personal standards and it’s never easy. Sometimes you will have to take an unpopular stand, especially when you’re around group think. Sometimes you will have to boot people out of your life who don’t uphold high character standards. Someone in the company has to have a moral compass so make sure you’re one of those people.

Doing the right thing does matter and doing it enough, does get you ahead. While it’s not always easy to make the right call, and sometimes making the right decision is painful, it’s still an equity that should be respected. I’ve hired on character alone, and I’d encourage others to do the same thing. Solid character within a company is how you get to be a great company.

I’ve worked with someone for decades and we’ve never had to work out a written agreement between us. We have complete faith in how we work and it’a made the partnership very easy. It’s been a wonderful friendship and business partnership spanning forty years. That’s how it should be. Yet, that’s not the world we live in and it seems like there are more sociopaths than ever before. Working with someone with great character is easy and it’s a complete joy.

Never forget that opportunity is what others give us. Sure some of us are fooled by con artists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, but generally those who grant us opportunity do so after a long period of observation of who we are. Some of our clients followed us for years before they made the call for assistance. They wanted to know we were real, and consistent.

Once in a while I meet someone who after I get to know a little, fits the online definition of a sociopath and wants to become a CEO someday. It’s often a mechanical aspiration without giving a lot of thought to their own character. As if all they have to do is check some boxes, take a few classes, and meet the right people. They rarely think about how to become a better human to be a great CEO.

One challenge is that most sociopaths I discover over time don’t have a clue they are sociopaths in the first place. They freely lie about big and small things and they are in a near constant state of manipulation and to them, that’s normal and completely acceptable. They even get mad when you don’t believe their lies. It’s suddenly your fault for not accepting what they tell you. I think some believe their own lies.

Unless they are caught in a lie, or other form of manipulation, they often go unnoticed. It’s hard to call them out without some form of retaliation from them. As I think about it, when they ask me about becoming a CEO, it’s sometimes hard to know if the desire for a CEO role is an aspiration, or just another manipulation to get me or others to do something on their behalf? I can’t see it until the species is fully identified.

These individuals sometimes ask for help, but rarely take solid guidance, even when character is the core issue that gets in their way. For one, they never reveal who they are in the normal sense. They will share small bits and pieces about their life, but overall compartmentalize their world so you can’t see the whole picture. They only show you what they think you want to see, and not what’s actually happening. They do this to remain in control of the narrative. It’s a great clue that you might be dealing with a manipulator.

You can’t tell them to not be a sociopath because that’s almost like telling a scorpion not to sting. It’s in their character. It’s the basis of the story about the scorpion and the frog. All you can do is stay away. There is no way to work with them because you never see what’s real in the first place.

My parents were strict about who we hung out with as kids. They knew that our character would be shaped by those around us. The same holds true with our friends as adults and our working partners. Character always matters and it’s something I assess with everyone I ever meet who wants to be a successful entrepreneur. To me, unless you have that basic quality, few are ever going to want to work with you, or be your friend or life partner. It’s not written about enough in business and it’s why I’m writing this now. It took me a while to even write this without sounding like I’m virtue signaling. It was much harder to write about it than I was expecting because I’m not going to claim I’m the most virtuous. That would be arrogant. I do care about other people and standing for something and growing to become a better human.

Over the years, I’ve become increasingly cautious about the character, especially as I’ve grown to appreciate what it really means. I’m constantly in a state of picking apart my own actions as it is. I don’t let people get near me as easily as I once did because of experiences I’ve had, and I’m more wary than ever. I think it’s healthy these days.

I’ve seen first hand the damage a sociopath can do to innocent bystanders and I can’t do enough to keep them out of my life. Success is difficult enough. A good moral compass will always be a cornerstone in the quality of my work and the things I do because it’s how I was raised. We didn’t have to think about it, or even write about it as I am now. It was assumed everyone strived to be better. Still, as the saying goes, it’s not what I say, it’s what I do, and hopefully I’m sized up for the quality of my actions and nothing more.